Sunday, January 05, 2003

I'm twenty years old, an English major, and I'm trying to start over. The biggest emotional upheaval in my young life so far has happened--I've had my heart broken. Yes, trite as that sounds, it's what happened. His name is Matthew, and I loved him. It took me a long time to get over it, and I'm still probably not completely over it. The I-want-him-back phase has come and gone, and now I'm still struggling with why-can't-we-be-friends. We were good friends before we even started dating, a friendship I valued, and now I miss that.

It's a good thing I have wonderful friends. One in particular, Mark, is my savior...we are together now, and things with him are worlds better than they ever were with Matthew. Happiness is there for me to take, but some of those old wounds refuse to heal just yet.

Yeah. So, enough of that depressing crap. I'm mostly happy, and closer than ever to becoming at peace with myself. That should be fun! If it ever happens. In the meantime, I'm not averse to a little fun now and then--21st birthday coming up in two weeks, that should be a good time. ;)

Anyway, I guess this is just my attempt not exactly to start over, but to relearn how to trust. My friends have helped me there, but in the end I think that is a journey I have to make alone, in the confines of my own mind. My thoughts get jumbled, hence the Blog-ness. Besides, I always hear that really good writers keep journals. Here goes...
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