Tuesday, February 25, 2003

I am at work at the moment, which is the only spare time I have, a fact I find amusing. I've been working like a madwoman--reading/writing/critting ALL day, literally. Yesterday I went to 285 in the morning, went to work here in the library, and then (around noon) went up to my usual corner on the third floor and read until 8 PM. I skipped lunch and practice and took about 15 minutes to grab dinner.

The strain is showing. Two professors out of three have commented in some way on how tired/sleepy I am in class and now I'm scared this will affect my grade. After all, the reason I am so tired is because of THEIR classes. Grrrrr.

Also, my non-existent social life has ruined my friendship with Maggie (not permanently, I hope). I feel terrible about it, and I don't know what to do. I know she's really lonely because she's in a long distance relationship and she misses her boyfriend in Baltimore. And I feel bad that I haven't spent much time with her this term. But the fact that she has acted offended about it makes me angry, because for the first half of the term, I tried to involve her in my life and she always declined my invitations to lunch, movie night, etc. And now, when I don't even have time to sleep half the time, I just kind of expected a little more understanding on her part, especially when I strive so hard to be the same for all my friends.

I want to try and patch it up, but I don't even know where to start. I tried to start a convo this morning on AIM, but she ignored me. So now...I'll just have to try not to care. If I can make it through the rest of today and tomorrow, things will calm down a little bit for a while. Maybe then I can sleep, and things won't seem so dire. But right now, I feel wound up and anxious about everything. The impending war with Iraq isn't helping, either. My job here is to check in periodicals, and the news magazines (Time, Newsweek, and so on) are shouting about war in everything issue. In every facet of life, I feel powerless, like a tide is washing against me and all I can do is hang on and hope it will end soon.

One thing is going really well. Mark has been great--supportive and understanding. Also, it's a great relief and a joy to be getting along with my roomie this year. Yay, Hannah!

Ack, gotta go...time for class, and then plenty of other stuff that DOESN'T include sleep...sigh.

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