Wednesday, February 26, 2003


I have been a machine the past two days, spending hours upon hours in the library reading and critting stories. Last night I wrote on my own until about 1 AM. And then, did I sleep? Hell, no. I was feeling really insecure, I guess, and Mark ended up coming over. We sat in the basement for over an hour and I tried to get him to go finish his work, which he hadn't done yet, and get some sleep. I wanted to stay with him, because I haven't been sleeping well and I sleep better when I'm with him. Finally we decided that I would zonk in his bed, and he would finish up and then join me. This was around 3 AM. Grrrr. I'm so tired.

I watched The Patriot for class last night, and apparently I'm embittered and unpatriotic, because all I saw was a melodramatic story of personal vengeance that was trying really hard to feed me something. The first time I saw it, about two years ago, I liked it. Yay, college. Maybe I'm just mad because they kill off Heath Ledger. Our professor had given us a couple of reviews, one that compared the film's portrayal with a similar, spoofy portrayal of Mel Gibson playing a Vietnamese peasant being attacked by Americans. At the same time, I was reading an excerpt from Tim O'Brien's The Things They Carried and so I can tell you, I was feeling pretty antiwar anyway, forget the Iraq thing.

This nation is great. I do believe that. We are built upon great ideals. But why do we always assume that we are right, and that our systems are right for other countries and cultures? I am proud that we are able and willing to provide help to other nations that need it. But I think it's going too far to mess with their governments. We aren't being attacked (except in speech and on paper, perhaps). There is no Pearl Harbor, or even a Gulf of Tonkin, to justify our actions. 9/11, sure...but who knows if that was Iraq. Probably not. Maybe Iraq does have weapons of mass destruction...I certainly wouldn't put it past Saddam Hussein. But who are we to assume that and attack them?

Rant, over. I'm just frustrated, and it's heightened the stress that would have been too much by itself. This just makes it nearly unbearable. I'm scared. Who will support us after we act the bully?

Well. Everything else seems to have calmed down a little. Maggie sent me a smiley but then ignored me for the rest of the night after I dropped a note that asked her if she was feeling better. If I can finish my story in good time this afternoon and then get some reading done for 330, I won't have to be up particularly late tonight and I can sleep in tomorrow, so that will be a novelty. Oh, I cannot WAIT until this weekend. There is no meet. I will sleep much and get lots done, and then next week will not be so bad. Then the weekend after that is conference and then indoor track will be OVER and I'll be able to stop handing Pio three hours out of every day. Yessss.

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